I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
