omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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