The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
