Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
