I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize