i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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