lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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