when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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