I seem to have left my pride at pride
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize