My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
