Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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