Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
