Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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