Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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