i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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