I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
