i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I love having hate sex.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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