i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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