you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
