Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
