My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
