Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
