you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I supernannyed him into submission
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
