Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
