The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
