I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
