I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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