you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize