i just wanna soil my oats bro
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
