He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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