I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I didn't notice because vodka
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
