My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
