i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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