found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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