i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
