we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
