God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
