How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
