she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
