I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
there is puke in my bra ... again
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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