how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
