If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
