i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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