what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just want to make out with him forever
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
