is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
