You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
