i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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