i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
