My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
