erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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