I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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