I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
