Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
