the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
