No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
