Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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