I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
