so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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