Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
