god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
