Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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