i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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