I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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