You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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