What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
