I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
