My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
