Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
