just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize