God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize