How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
