Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
