Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
this is an emotional support booty call
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
