ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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