just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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