He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
