I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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