You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
All the doctor said was why
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
