My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
