Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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