hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
