Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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