My nipple is on Facebook.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
