just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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