turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
