I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize