I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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