respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
