is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
