i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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