After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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