sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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