I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
