There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
