I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize