the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
