I showed him my bush... on skype.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
