All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
